2 PINK LINES

Let me start by saying that I can not believe this is happening to me!

And, secondly, we weren't even trying to get pregnant!!

I had decided that the agony of trying, and heartbreak of the negatives were too heavy for our hearts.

So, we decided to give it a rest. Not really a rest, we are MARRIED for heaven's sake. ;)

We had decided what happens, happens, although it wasn't in our forefront.

I was really excited to start a new chapter of my life in August by starting nursing school taking some of my prerequisites. (Not to say that if I did get pregnant, I wouldn't be happy, because in fact, I would be freakin' ecstatic!

But, I kind of just had it in my head that it wasn't meant for me to be a mom, or that something was just wrong with the way my body was engineered. I wasn't OK with this, I was just trying to save myself from future heartache.

I thought of a million excuses and reasons why I wasn't getting pregnant, but none of them really gave me any peace of mind.

Ever since my miscarriage in January, I've been super skeptical about every cycle since. Stressing myself out wondering if it was going to happen this time, or if it ever will. Not being able to wait until the day my cycle was supposed to arrive, I would buy the pregnancy tests that know "6 days sooner!" Ha, what a joke.

I think I wanted it so bad that I would even tell myself that I was experiencing some symptoms, so I had an excuse to take the test.

There are so many things that are different between this pregnancy and the one I had in January that lets me know everything is going to be OK this time. At least now I have hope. In January, when I found out I was pregnant, I wasn't spotting. (going to get graphic for a moment, but its life) I had light reddish discharge that I heard was normal and didn't think anything of it. I took 3 tests in a row and all 3 had 2 pink lines! I was so excited and immediately called my doctor to set up an appointment. I found out this exciting news in the middle of the week and it seemed that every day that passed, my discharge got heavier and slowly changed from spotting to heavy bleeding over that weekend. I had started cramping and knew something wasn't right. When I told my mom that I was spotting, she said that was normal, but I couldn't call my doctor until Monday. Monday came along, and it was bad, real bad. I'll keep these details to myself. Monday morning I called my doctor, but she doesn't see patients on Mondays so they told me to go to the ER if I thought it was severe. So I did. After what seemed like the longest wait in the entire world, they called me back for a blood sample. I was already in extreme pain, and so nervous I could have thrown up. The girl comes in to draw some blood and ends up playing sword fight with my veins. Anyone that knows me knows that I am utterly terrified of needles, and giving blood was just the end-all. She was digging around for so long and being so rough I started sweating and my skin was white as a ghost. I could feel myself on the brink of passing out. I couldn't hear anything and everything I was trying to say wasn't making any sense. A male nurse came in to draw blood on my other arm, and let me just say he made my experience ever so enjoyable. And duh, I can't look like a pansy in front of a hot male nurse after all! After another ridiculously long wait, being left in the lab room and the doctors losing us, we finally got a room in the ER. I was sent to get an ultrasound, and Adam wasn't aloud to go with me. I didn't know how I was going to face this without him, without anyone for that matter. I was all alone. The tech tried both ways to see the baby, but she couldn't see anything on the monitor. They said that it could be that I was way too early to show anything and that could be a possibility. They said I could be one of those few and rare women who bleed their entire pregnancy. I had hope for that, but had a depressing intuition that it was something really bad. So the doctor discussed with us some more about what could be going on, and had an appointment already set up with my OB/GYN the next day so they could check my blood again to see if my HCG levels were dropping. I went in to see my OB. I had my blood drawn and she did an exam and asked me some questions. She was completely under the impression that I had already passed most of everything and that the worst was already over. The blood work was going to take an hour before they could get the results, but she wrote me a prescription for a pill that was supposed to help me pass everything that was left along. On my way home from the doctor, I got a call confirming the miscarriage and the OK to take the medicine. It wasn't what I wanted to hear, but I was happy that I didn't have to have d&c surgery. It took me forever and a day to heal, not just physically, but emotionally too. And this is something that I still struggle with and am reminded of everyday. I would be due in September if the pregnancy would had followed through. But I have learned not to second guess God's decisions. Because, for all I know, there could have been something wrong with my baby that could have prevented him/her from having a healthy/happy life. I don't blame God for anything and have learned to count my blessings. But that doesn't mean I don't think about it, because I do.

Now if you aren't about ready to click on that little "x" in the upper right hand corner, here is some uplifting news! Compared to that, this pregnancy so far is a breeze! I am super happy and haven't had but a few symptoms. Not to say that they won't come, because I am expecting them any day now.

Every 5 weeks I start my cycle, so I knew I was expecting it any minute - it's like clockwork every month. By mid-afternoon on July 11, I had NOTHING!! I had a gut feeling something was up, so I ran to town and got a box of tests and got home and went to work. Can I say the longest 3 minutes of my entire life? Waiting, waiting, waiting, and the first line appeared. Oh my gosh, would the second line ever show up?? waiting...waiting..waiting... YES!! 2 PINK LINES! I AM PREGNANT!! I have researched so many cute and fun ideas to surprise my husband with the news, but I couldn't wait another second of keeping it to myself! And leave it to coincidence that he just left for a 3 day business trip that morning. I knew he was in the middle of training, so I texted him the news.

Our convo:

ME: (Texted Adam this picture) 2:01 pm!!! 1st test!!! We are PREGNANT!!!!!!!

ME: I'm sorry I couldn't keep it a secret, I had to show you!!!!

ADAM:  What???!!!!

ADAM: lol take another one

ME: yes yes yes yes!!!! I am SHAKING and wish you were here!!!!

ADAM: Love u!!!!!!

ME: Don't tell anybody!

ADAM: lol OK love u

ME: (I sent Adam this picture) Test 2 is on the bottom :)

ADAM: lol here we go!!! love u

ME: Yay!!!!!!!

ME: I am so happy we get to do this together! <3

I took a pregnancy test last night to ease my worrying little brain and it had 2 pink lines. Didn't snap a picture of it though, as I was about to get in the bath ;)

I know how hard it was last time to have to deal with telling people that I wasn't going to have a baby. Because quite literally after I found out I was pregnant, I found out I was miscarrying. Very heartbreaking. So, to save myself, and the rest of you from double heartache, we only told our parents the exciting news.

I have finally made it to the 6 week milestone! (per every pregnancy website I am 6 weeks along.) They all use the same "science" as the doctor does - your LMP. And according to this I am due March 13, 2013. Of course I will get an updated due date once I see my doctor.

I have made it a whole entire week without any horrible spotting or cramping! I think that calls for a celebration in itself.

Within the first few days, I had a couple of bad headaches, but nothing a few tylenol couldn't fix. I haven't had any morning sickness yet (knock on wood!), a itty bitty bit of cramping that I wouldn't even call cramping because it's so light. Oh yeah, and EXHAUSTION, complete and utter exhaustion. The kind to the point where I am tired from doing absolutely nothing, and it takes every ounce of energy in me to do anything anymore. Its getting a little better though every day. I am under the impression that this is going to be a FABULOUS pregnancy. Even my prenatal vitamins don't make me sick!! But hey, I'm not complaining. My appetite is super humongous and I guess my metabolism has kicked into hyperdrive because I have actually lost a couple pounds. Not willingly, trust me, because I eat like a cow! I haven't had any food cravings or adversions yet, so that's good, too! Some days I pee every 10 minutes and some days I just pee a little more than normal. I am just so excited that everything is going so smooth!

I called the day I found out to set up an appointment with my OB, but the lady at the desk said that my doctor is going on vacation starting on the 20th (or something like that) and wouldn't be back until August 1. They tried setting me an appointment for that next week (the week of the 16th) but that was too late of a notice for me to give my boss. So, my first OB appointment and ultrasound will be August 8 at 2pm!! By then, I will be 9 weeks along already. Can I make it that long? I think I can...I think I can...That is 3 weeks away, oh boy!

I am signed up with just about every pregnancy tracker website out there, but my most favorite is TheBump! I plan to do weekly checkups with you guys, tracking my progress, and a little bit about what TheBump has to say about baby for that week! I am so excited and so incredibly blessed that God is letting me experience this and trusting me with His child.