Today I am Mommy

Please don't expect me to be a functioning member of society today. It's not going to happen. Please don't tell me I look tired. I AM tired. I'm aware I look tired and I don't need to be reminded. Sleep just doesn't grace me these days. It is 11:15am and I'm up for the day and this is the only five minutes I will have to myself until my husband gets home. I've been wearing the same pair of yoga pants for three days and it's even a wonder I'm wearing a bra (hey, does that mean it's going to be a good day?! I hope so!) I will constantly have someone clinging to me, feeding from me, needing me, yelling at me, crying for me...it's exhausting, but I chose this. Right now this is my life...my crazy, hot mess of a life. 

Even though I'm convinced Tucker hates me because he wants to eat every hour and a half, I love him with all of my heart. And when I think I have a moment's peace, Aiden swoops in with his grabbing of my hands and BOOM! I'm pulled from the couch (that oh-so-comfy spot on the couch) to wherever he thinks it is that I need to go. Because oh, by the way, he can't talk. So everything is either whining or babbling. And lately, talking to the walls is the way to go. I don't get enough adult conversation, and sometimes that's enough to make a girl go crazy. You should try it some time, or don't. No, you probably shouldn't. Unless hiding alone in your closet to eat a piece of peanut butter chocolate sounds appeasing. Because that's the only way you'll get it - since Aiden is allergic to peanut butter and will scream at the top of his lungs if you don't share. But he hears that tiny piece of paper crackle when you are sneakily trying to open it. He doesn't understand why he can't have it, for all he knows I'm just being an asshole and won't give a bite (or five.) 

I'm blessed with two healthy boys, a saint of a husband, and a nice home that [technically] belongs on a Febreeze commercial. But that's okay, my friends. There's a light at the end of the tunnel. One day my boys will be grown and won't need me. They will both sleep through the night and so will I and that means I won't look tired and you won't be tempted to tell me I look so. They will be able to function on their own and will probably tell me how much they hate me. It feels like that day will never get here, but when it does, I'm going to wish for these days back. I'm going to want them little again. So, in these sleepy moments that are spent with eyes barely open, I'll enjoy today. I'll make it special. I'll remember every single second. I'm doing just fine - I have to remind myself of this or else my husband will find me in a corner one day and won't even recognize me. Instead he will think some insane person from an institution somewhere escaped and chose a random corner at our house to mumble profanities. I also remind myself that God never gives us more than we can handle. I'm raising children and at the same time they are raising me. We're growing together and I can't forget that. I'm going to enjoy all the kisses Aiden is willing to give me (even the sloppy ones ten times in a row.) I'm going to soak up all the lazy cuddles with Tucker while we nurse and let the dishes pile up. Today I have not a care in the world. Today I am mommy.

I'm glad I didn't pour the milk in my cereal yet (I'll get to eat that someday, right?), because I have a tiny human crying for my boobs now and who knows how long that will take. Goodbye!