My Worst Fears

"...Day 7, Tuesday: the thing(s) you're most afraid of..."

I've been a worry-wart ever since I can I remember. I worried about all sorts of things, irrelevant and not, and I still do to this very day. Becoming a mother only intensified that to its max potential. Worrying is something that consumes me. My worrying more often than not also turns into anxiety - something I wish I was able to control. But, I never let it get the best of me. 

Some piece of me always feels that if I don't worry about certain things, then that must mean that I don't care enough about them. And that's certainly not true. I care about A LOT of things. When I care about something, I attach myself to it wholeheartedly. 

I'm scared of a lot of superficial things like spiders, and heights, and being alone in the dark. But the one thing I'm scared of the most is losing my husband or son. 

I couldn't stand the thought of losing Adam in any way. May it be divorce, disease, a car accident. I've had the absolute worst scenarios play out in my head and it eats away at my heart. I hate to even think about what it would begin to feel like if I no longer had him here with me. This makes me afraid to grow old with him. I don't ever want to go a single day without him. 

As for my sweet boy, Aiden, I'm completely terrified of losing him. Whether it be to SIDS or some kind of health problem that the doctors identified too late. I'm also terrified of other people dropping him on his head. As silly as that may sound, it scares me more than anything. Life before Aiden was so meaningless, and now I couldn't imagine going a single day without him, either. 

These two boys are my everything. I can't stand the thought of losing them.